You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise: you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely…For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made…Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Psalm 139:1-3,13,16

Wednesday, March 30, 2011


I have 2 hours and one half day of work until I am officially on vacation!!! I can hardly wait. I am going to Kansas on a girl's trip to visit my cousins and all of their kids. Mom and Kristin and McCade are coming too. It will be McCade's first trip on an airplane and I can't wait to see what that is like.
This has been a stressful week for me. I am trying to learn to listen to my body and rest when I need to, but I am not used to sitting still. I work hard and when I am done with work I want to do something fun.  I have noticed that you don't often see people who are pregnant that aren't very far along unless you work with them or they are in your family. I think the reason why is that they are all in bed asleep.  I want to sleep for the next week without waking up…but somehow I know if I did I would still be tired when I woke up.  I realize there are a lot of changes happening but it is exhausting!  The funny thing is unless I am totally naked I look exactly the same. SO WEIRD that so much is happening inside and barely a clue on the outside!
My verse for the day is "…with God all things are possible." Matthew 19:26.  I believe this--He can part the waters. He can calm the storm. He can make the barren woman to keep house and be a mother of children.  I KNOW HE CAN!

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Baby M

A while ago I mentioned my friends, K and D, who were adopting internationally from Ethiopia and I wanted to just give a quick update on them.  Despite all of the chaos currently happening with adoption in Ethiopia, they were able to meet their precious child today and it was love at first sight, of course.  Their court date there will fall at about 3 AM on Monday morning CST. They appreciate prayers that all will go well and that everything needed for the adoption will somehow find its way into their file. If you are interested, K is a great writer and her stories make me laugh and cry at the same time--see their blog  If you can go over and give some support.

Inconsistent Lately

   Well anyone following this blog can see that I am terrible at consistency--even when it is something that I want to do-like writing.  I let myself get distracted.  I had intentions to write on Wednesday and everyday since and here I am on Saturday night finally writing!
   Another example of my inconsistency is that I finally gave in to Neil and the dogs are right back in the bed with us.  He kept sneaking them into bed after I fell asleep and finally I just gave in---I didn't want to, but there was no way for me to break them of crying at night if he kept letting them back in with us! So we are back at square one with them.
   That has me really thinking or worrying about so many things that are coming our way in the next 7 months. (Can you believe it, I am already 3 mo along?) I am thinking a lot now about what life will be like with baby Brogden.  What will he/she be like? Will he/she cry a lot? Sleep during the night? Nurse well? Have allergies or health problems? What will I do when things go wrong? What if he/she cries all the time and I can't figure out what's wrong?
   I have always been great with kids. I babysit. I keep my nephew, McCade. I work in the nursery at church. I should be fine to take care of a child. I am certainly far better suited to care for a child than any of the teen moms that are on TV or that come into the office. Yet I am nervous and I worry and wonder about what is to come.  I know that the fears are irrational and probably more hormone related than anything else but they persist in the back of my mind.
   I also have been having trouble sleeping since last week. I had a little scare with a bad stomach bug that made me miss work on Monday. I was concerned for baby Brogden and stayed in bed all day until Neil got home.  Since then I have been feeling better physically, but I think I have been more fearful and emotionally more needy. Up until then the fears of miscarriage had pretty much disappeared but in an instant they all came back Monday morning and now I can't help them crossing my mind.  God is in control and he can keep baby Brogden strong and growing if it is his will. That was just a little reminder to me that I don't control anything, GOD DOES.
   Also this week, several of my friends had kids fall ill with different types of things. Several pretty serious. That also got me thinking about how I  have another little person to worry about. Someone whom I am responsible, someone who depends on me to make sure that all is right in their world, and if it isn't they need me to make it right.
   Finally, tonight I realized that before any of that stuff happens, I have to actually give birth to that sweet little one.  So now I am thinking about all of the plans and preparation involved in giving birth, including what it will feel like, how long labor will last, will I be able to deliver vaginally, what the end of my pregnancy will be like, how Neil will do with me being in pain, will I be able to be strong enough to keep calm and not cry or make a fuss? See how it goes with me?---always questioning!
   I actually haven't been praying specifically for any of those things. I am praying for God to give me peace and good health for me and baby and for baby to develop perfectly.  I think I will start praying for each question I have, that all of the answers will turn out just as God plans it, and that my heart and mind will be strong and prepared for every result.  I haven't always been the best at prayer--again--inconsistent. Until it came to praying for this child---I prayed for baby Brogden daily. I now have a very specific and very long list of prayers for others as well as myself and it grows daily, but when a prayer is answered I mark it down and put the answer in the margin of the page.  I have such a long list but it is keeping me faithful to each prayer now.  It was an idea given to me by my mentor and I would recommend it to anyone who has difficulty with prayer, it keeps me on track and consistent and faithful to those I promise I will pray for.

Friday, March 11, 2011


   Even prior to my struggles to get pregnant, there has never been a time when I would have considered abortion. From a young age I felt that it wasn't a choice I could make, it was such a final and harsh decision, I couldn't understand how someone could make it.  I understand that there are times when people have to make decisions about an unborn baby who may have birth defects or who is unable to survive outside of the womb. Praise God that I have not been in that position or had to make that decision, but I do know people who have. I would never pretend to be able to stand in their shoes or judge that decision. Faced with the fact that the pregnancy would not go the distance, I don't think I can fault someone for making an impossible choice.  I know that at this moment right now if there was any possibility of the doctor being wrong or the baby making a recovery I would allow for that possibility. I believe God is bigger than any diagnosis or problem and what man or Satan means for evil, He can use for good.  However, like I said, I am not currently in that situation and that is by the grace of God.  But there is another thing that has been weighing on my mind as I am finally realizing my dream of being pregnant and being able to carry a child. I can't understand how a woman could choose to terminate a healthy pregnancy.  People in favor of the women's right to choose always talk about those worst case senarios like what I mentioned above or in the case of a rape, but the majority of the time in this country neither of those are the case.
    Every week I read a little excerpt about what is developing with my baby and I just wanted to share with you how unbelievable early everything forms and works within a tiny baby.
At 6 weeks (2 weeks after your missed period) your baby is the size of a grain of rice. The organs are starting to form. The HEART is starting to beat and little arm and leg buds are forming making your little one look like a gummy bear.
At 7 weeks, your baby is the size of a blueberry. The liver is now producing the red blood cells until the bone marrow forms. Blood vessels are present throughout the body. The heart is dividing into 4 individual chambers it is now beating 140-160bpm. The early spinal chord called the neural tube is starting to grow and it will become the nervous system and brain.
At 8 weeks, your baby is the size of a macaroni. The nose, mouth, and ears are taking shape. The tongue is forming. Activity is taking place in the baby's brain and nervous system. Baby is making small movements although you cannot feel them. The lungs are developing. 
At 9 weeks, your baby is the size of a cherry. The baby is now considered a fetus. The eyes are formed but the eyelids are fused shut over them. Ears, nose, and lips are now present. The sex organs are formed but they look very much alike at this point. Fingerprints are forming on the tiny fingers.
At 10 weeks, your baby is the size of a cashew nut. Most of the organs are now fully developed. The baby is now swallowing the amniotic fluid and producing urine. Fingernails are forming.
At 11 weeks, your baby is the size of a lime. The baby is moving more and can do summersaults inside your uterus. Hands and arms are nearly fully functional, webs on fingers and toes have gone away. If your baby is a boy, his testicles are starting to produce testosterone. The kidneys are now fully functioning.

As you can see there is a tiny little person developing in there so quickly.  It makes me want to shout from the rooftop how special an experience this is and how it is not to be taken for granted or thrown away.  I am sure that any woman who has ever carried a child would agree but how do you explain to  someone who hasn't? How can you show a person who so easily or accidentally becomes pregnant the value of a baby that so many desperately want.  There are so many woman who want to become mothers, by any means they can, including adoption, that to terminate a pregnancy because it is inconvenient or because it is not the right time is so unfair and robs not only the child but also the possible future parents of so much! All this to say --if you have the opportunity to talk to someone who might be on the fence about this, if you can change a woman's mind, if you can educate someone on this subject….Please do so.  You could change someone's life…you could SAVE someone's life.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Foxy Troxies

I just wanted to encourage anyone who knows someone who is battling infertility or who is battling it themselves to go to a blog I follow called "Foxy Troxies."  She is an amazing woman and Christian, has been through an incredible amount of pain and struggles with a happy ending but she continues her blog about infertility and is incredible about sharing truthfully her feelings and thoughts about it all.  She encouraged me to start blogging my feelings and I am so grateful for it. In particular one of her recent blogs titled "The flip of a coin" is so true and the comments under are great too. Some insight into dealing with someone who is grieving the loss of a pregnancy or the inability to conceive.  We never know exactly what to say to someone who is sad but sometimes it helps to know what not to say also! Thanks again Foxy!

10 weeks 1 day

Can I just say again how AWESOME God is?  First, I have been so blessed these last couple weeks to be feeling great--hungry and tired with some heartburn if I overeat…but GREAT! I am so glad to be pregnant. I feel so blessed right now and I feel like I truly appreciate this experience because of the time I had to wait for it.  I not only had to open myself up to God's will but then I had to really get humble and let Him tell me when I could have His plan fulfilled in this area in my life.
Today was a big day we have been looking forward to because we got to go to the OB again today for our second visit! YAY!  I have been concerned that I might not have an ultrasound at this visit because they didn't specifically schedule it but I REALLY wanted to see what that little peanut is doing in there and make sure she(or he) is doing ok.  I do realize that is a little high maintenance to think that I actually need to see what is going on to make sure that things are ok but I have tried to be very low maintenance for the most part and I can't help it I just really wanted to see. Well we had to schedule the latest appointment of the day so that Neil could come with me when he got off of work so of course that means that if there is any problem during the day things can get behind. They actually moved me really quickly, called me back very fast and efficiently, however since the ultrasound tech was backed up the nurse tried to get a heartbeat with the doppler first and then said if for some reason she couldn't get it then we would do the ultrasound.  I laid back on the table for the doppler and didn't know what to hope for…I certainly wanted to hear that tiny heart beating but I also wanted the ultrasound and for everything to be okay.  Well the nurse couldn't get the heartbeat (I have a feeling she could tell I would be disappointed if she did) so we ended up doing and ultrasound and have a great heartbeat too.  I am going to post the little picture at the end of this post.  It looks like little peanut is waving -with one little arm raised up.   There isn't much detail to the picture and we couldn't see the heart beating so I think the baby is turned with back to us.  Peanut was kind of wiggling but no swimming yet! All else was good so next visit is 4 more weeks away! Probably be a little too early to get to tell the sex at that point but we will be looking in 2 months to hopefully get that news at 18 weeks.
Another big thing taking place in our lives right now is that the dogs are no longer in the bed with us. They have moved to their kennels in our laundry room.  Dixie is not taking it well--for her it means at least one spanking a night for barking. She also claws at the edge of her kennel several times throughout the night but I can ignore this as long as she doesn't bark.  Daisy manages to get in the kennel and snooze through all of that peacefully. Neil wants to give in and let them get back in the bed with us…he thinks that they should not have to stay in their kennels. "It's cruel." What a pushover!--but I am holding strong. Even with the spankings the last week has been the best nights of sleep I have gotten in a while.  Put that together with my new bed and my body pillow I am in heaven. Of course as tired as I have been I might sleep through a tornado anyway.

Since I took a picture of the picture to add with my computer it is backward but the way you see it, looking at your screen, the head is to the right body to left and little hand/arm on top of the body.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

The Dinner Station

Saturday I went for my trip to The Dinner Station.  It seems like it would be a chore to prepare lots of meals ahead of time, but it's really fun. My mom came with me and helped to prepare since I signed up for so many meals. Also since I have been having some wacky food aversions, I didn't know if I would be able to touch all of the ingredients (meat is especially giving me trouble).  Everything went wonderfully and the staff is so nice.  This time I took pictures so you could see what it looks like inside and how it works. If you decide to go there are different sizes of meals you can prepare and different size packages you can buy. You can choose to make as many or few dinners as you wish, order sides that are pre-prepared, and even get desserts and rolls or bread too.  If you mention that I referred you, you will get both of us a reward--you get to choose a dessert or some sides they might offer you--just for telling them that I recommended you go! It's is a really good deal price-wise and very convenient for easy home-cooked meals.  The first time they give you an orientation so it takes a little longer but every other visit you go in and do your own thing so you could be in-and-out or you can take your time.  I personally think it would be a cute idea for a date--or for you to bring an older child and do it together.

This is what the ingredients look like when you arrive at the work station. The two bowls on the outside are our prep bowls. You do all your mixing in a bowl and then transfer into a baggie with your ingredients.
I am about to put the baggie I am holding into the clear container. Then I will fill that up with all my goodies as the instructions say. Each ingredient has two size measuring spoons in it: one for half-size portions and one for full-size. This makes it easy to go quickly down the recipe.

I am not sure what I am doing here-still at the same station with a large spoon full of rice. Another nice thing--with every recipe that involves rice pilaf they provide brown rice or white rice.

This is the finished product of this recipe.  They asked me not to show all of the recipe ingredients, but I don't think you could reconstruct this without some pretty impressive software-so here is how it looks when you get done. You can't really read the labels but I am holding up a package for a meal of pork tenderloin.  Each little piece of paper in the bag has the specific instructions for that part of the meal.  There is a marinade for the meat and the rice pilaf to serve along with it.  All of the smaller parts along with the stick-on instructions are contained in one gallon freezer bag. All of the meals can be frozen and then thawed together. Most take a very short time to prepare at home. Every other meal I made was a casserole-for those it's all in one container and you pop in the oven-no prep time at all.

This is the dessert station. Already had all the ingredients. I made a chocolate chip cookie pie--YUMMY!  I am thinking about cooking this tonight when I get home.
It's tough to see what's happening here. The lady in the red apron works at The Dinner Station. She is boxing up all of my meals for me.  When you finish your prep--they load up all your stuff and cart it out to your car for you!  She just got done asking me what prizes I want for signing up for my next visit and for inviting a guest to come with me! You also get prizes for everyone if you bring a group of more than six people at once! (don't forget you have to sign up in advance)

This is me (I don't look very happy for some reason?) signing up for next time-filling out what entrees I want and the other list shows what is available for the month and what all of the ingredients and calorie counts are-in case you are watching that.

I hope that information encourages you to try something new and easy and fun! Tell them I sent you and GOOD LUCK! Below is the link for the website if you are curious.