You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise: you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely…For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made…Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Psalm 139:1-3,13,16

Monday, April 25, 2011

He is Risen!

Can't believe I haven't posted in over a week! The days have really been flying by! This weekend was Easter and I spent Saturday and Sunday working on different projects at home, mostly cleaning and cooking, washing clothes, folding clothes, hanging clothes, and then Neil and I working in the yard after Easter dinner at my parent's house.  We got the immediate family together for church, pictures and Sunday lunch.  Then we all went our separate ways. Neil and I really got to spend some quality time with each other just talking, hanging out, and working together.

This year we have been unable to get around to our annual tradition of egg dying.  I have the eggs hard-boiled but it seems Neil is putting it off.  He keeps reminding me that he has won our contest 4 of the last 6 years but for some reason he is chicken!  Our plan is to dye them tomorrow and I will put the finished product pictures on for voting!…and no it's not too late to be dying them!!! silly!

Of course Easter is the time of year for us to remember that Christ died and ROSE again for us! Someone reminded me today that not only did he DIE, He was tortured but above all He allowed Himself to be tortured and killed.  We know that all of the ridicule and punishment that He endured was because He chose to allow it. Imagine that…He had to constantly choose to remain in that situation, endure that pain with YOU and I on His mind. He would have done it if You were the only one, but He offers salvation to everyone.  I want to live in a way that will bring glory and honor to that sacrifice.  I am so glad that I serve a RISEN Savior!

Thursday, April 14, 2011

More adoption stories/friends

Facebook is a miraculous and wonderful tool for reconnecting with old friends. Not long ago I was in Subway getting lunch and saw a friend from high school, Andrew. After visiting for a few minutes, I found out that he and his wife are in the process of trying to adopt within the United States and have been trying to get the word out. Please visit their site to keep up with their struggles, pray for them, and maybe even help out. It appears Leslie, Andrew's wife, is quite the seamstress and, along with her sister, has begun making burp cloths to raise money for the process. They are really cute and I plan to order some just as soon as I know what colors Baby Brogden will want (smile).

Their site is:  (I hope it will work if you click on this and just to show you how technologically advanced I am, I am going to try to go back and link up Kelli and Danny's blog as well!)

Also Please see this poem, borrowed from Leslie's recent posting, but so relevant and personal to all BLM struggles as well as those trying to adopt and just struggling with the process and the unknown! I do not know the source of this poem as she did not reference the author on her site. THANK YOU LESLIE, this really touched my heart!

Just Wait

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried: quietly patiently, lovingly God replied. I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate, and the Master so gently said, "Child you must wait."

"Wait? you say 'wait', "my indignant reply, "Lord, I need answers. I need to know why! Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard? By faith I have asked and am claiming your Word. My future and all to which I can relate hangs in the balance, and YOU tell me Wait?"

"I'm needing a 'yes,' a go-ahead sign, or even a 'no' to which I can resign. And, Lord, You promised that if we believe we need but to ask and we shall receive. And, Lord, I've been asking! I need a reply!"

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate. As my Master replied once again, "You must wait." So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut. And grumbled to God, "So I'm waiting...for what?"

He seemed, then to kneel, and His eyes wept with mine, and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign. I could shake the heavens and darken the sun. I could raise the dead, cause the moutains to run."

"All you seek, I could give, and pleased you would be. You would have what you want, but you wouldn't know ME. You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint; you'd not know the power that I give to the faint. You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair; you'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there; you'd not know the joy of resting in ME, when darkness and silence were all you could see.

You'd never experience the fullness of love as the peace of my spirit descends like a dove; you'd know that I give and I save (for a start), but you'd not know the depth of the beat of my heart, the glow of my comfort late in the night, the faith that I give when you walk without sight, the dept that's beyond getting just what you asked, of an infinite God, who makes what you have LAST.

You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee, what it means that "My grace is sufficient for thee." Yes, your dreams for that loved one overnight would come true, but, oh, the loss...if I lost what I'm doing in you!

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see that the greatest of gifts is to get to know ME. And though my answers seem terribly late, my most precious answer of all is still "WAIT".

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Baby Brogden

Baby Brogden is growing and heart is beating away….we went to the doc last week and all was well. We get to go back in  about 2 weeks (3 weeks from appointment) to find out the sex! YAY! I can hardly wait!
We are very excited and I am ready to start the decorating as soon as we have the news. It's very surreal to think we will know soon ---something that will really change our life forever. I have been reading a lot. In addition, we have been really looking at our budget and, in particular, how I can avoid going back to work full time when Baby Brogden comes!  So far I am astounded at the things I am now willing to do without when I know the payoff.  I wanted this baby for so long that now I feel so unwilling to let these early days and weeks to pass by without being there.  I am not sure yet how that will all shake out and although I am not deluded enough to think that the office couldn't run without me, I do know that I am needed there and I will be unable to quit all-together because I am in many ways running the show---that's scary and no wonder I get so stressed.
    I am really seeing now how God's timing is perfect and while I felt ready a long time ago for this baby--we weren't ready at the office and we weren't ready here.  Our God is so much bigger and so far ahead in planning that we will never be able to understand or predict or confine Him to our little window of timing.  I am so thankful that I have a God who is the CREATOR and RULER of all of the Universe, not a wooden or golden idol or a statue, I worship a God who can't be contained or confined.  WOW!

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Update on Baby M

Although I still can't share too many details about the adoption, if you read what I previously posted about my friends (who I think I can officially say are Kelli and Danny) their adoption is going as smooth as can be expected.  They had a successful court appearance and paperwork was all signed and in their file! YAY! so their son is officially their son! The wierd thing is that until he can go home with them they aren't able to see him again...a few minor official things like passports and doctor visits have to happen before they are allowed to take him home.  While waiting, they are making the most of a really trying time and performing a service to the people who have cared for their son during his short life.  I am so proud to say that my friend and her husband have been performing eye examinations on all of the caretakers at the orphanage and as many others as they can.  She will also be sending or bringing back glasses for everyone that they find needs them.  What a special couple! I can hardly even explain how proud of them I am for using this opportunity not only to help the child they are adopting but also as many of his countrymen and women as is possible.  Please pray that they are able to bring their son home with them when their trip time ends, otherwise they will have to try to return for him when all of the formalities are final.  This would be undesirable for so many reasons, not the least of these is that a last minute flight from the US to Ethiopia is not cheap! and how can they leave the son they love so much when they are so close!  They and I thank you for your prayers and believe that God has lead them this far in their journey and will continue to bless.  Once again Please go to Kelli's blog on --she now calls it Meeting Maja as Filling our Tiny Green House was prior to their having a child or even knowing what that would be like---and they are now able to post pictures and talk much more in detail about their trip---She is hilarious and I laugh out loud sometimes at the things she says....I love that girl! and already have so much love in my heart for their precious boy- Maja!


So I have a confession to make...that last post was supposed to get posted on Friday prior to when it was posted and somehow my computer had a glitch and didn't go through so I just hit send-not thinking about the date that would be listed on the top! However, my update is that I had a BLAST! We returned on Tuesday and although I was exhausted by the time we got home-the trip was exactly what I needed.  My mom, Kristin, McCade, and I had so much fun visiting our family from Kansas, Arkansas, and Texas.  All of my maternal female relatives and even some of the guys were there + kids!  We shopped, watched movies, painted fingernails, held babies, ate, and ate, and ate!  Times with the people I love are what really keep me going and help me to remember what is valuable in life and what is worth living for---I am so blessed to have people on both sides of my family, maternal and paternal relatives, who love me and care about me in spite of who I am or used to be (a really bratty teenager!). I believe that this is the blessing that God promised in the Bible... I thought about that a lot while I was in Kansas, as we are concerned about my aging grandparents. I believe that the blessings and love that we all share is promised by God to my Grandparents and their parents before them for their faithful servitude to him and raising their children to do the same.  Read   . You can begin your own tradition of serving Him even if your parents didn't teach you. Love of God and reading His word and principles is all that is required---everything else comes out of that.
   I also want to tell you about a book I just read...Thank you hubby... called Heaven is Real.  It is written by the father of a young boy who became incredibly ill and post-recovery began to tell his parents about things that happened to him in Heaven while he was in surgery, his tales are confirmed by his knowlege of things that were happening in other parts of the hospital while he was in surgery as well as knowlege of people he had never met and events and stories about Heaven that were consistent with Biblical teachings he was too young to understand.  The book is special for so many reasons and is great on a 90 Minutes in Heaven kind of way.  I loved it for a different reason.  WARNING***this could be a little bit of a spoiler but I hope not too much. It is still worth reading. *** Despite my current pregnancy, maybe because of it, I have been mourning the baby I was unable to carry and deliver. While I know that I didn't know this child, and was very early in my pregnancy, I still feel the loss in my soul. My heart is broken for that little life and I think and wonder about him or her often.  The mother in the book had experienced a miscarriage prior to having her son. Because he was so young and it happened prior to his birth, they had never told him about it and her pregnancy was lost very early so they didn't have a name or sex for the lost child.  The son later told them that he had a sister in Heaven who didn't have a name. He said she ran to him and hugged him and was so happy to meet him. She told him she couldn't wait for her parents to join her in Heaven.  He also talked to his parents constantly about how much Jesus loved all of the children that were there.  I can not tell you how I cried at reading this.  It meant more to me than anything I have been told or read.  I am still sad for the loss but I am so thrilled at the thought that I will one day be able to hold my child and love him or her in Heaven when we are both perfect and whole the way God intended us to be.  I believe that God is so sweet and that He encouraged Neil to buy this book while I was out of town.  I needed to read and be encouraged. It didn't make me forget but it helped me to understand a way that my God could be merciful and loving to me by allowing me to feel this pain.  My little one couldn't survive on this Earth so He saved him/her for Heaven. My Jesus is holding my sweet little one on his lap and loving him/her with a perfect love.  Although I still mourn the loss for myself, I now rejoice that the little one I lost is living a perfect existence in eternity with no pain or sorrow and I will hold that precious one again. Thank you Jesus for a blessing I didn't want and don't understand with that loss. I know you love the children "most of all."  I think all of the mothers of lost little ones will find some comfort there as well.