You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise: you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely…For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made…Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Psalm 139:1-3,13,16

Thursday, January 5, 2012

14 weeks post partum

I am 14 weeks out from my C-section which means my baby, Eli, is 14 weeks old too! I am back to work 3 days a week now and it is so tough.  When I am actually at work, I am okay, and I know that Eli is okay, too.  Dropping him off and driving away is the hard part. My mom is so sweet to him and she loves him as much as I do and cares for him perfectly and meets his every need.  He is going to love going to Nana's house when he is old enough to know where he is going. He already smiles at her when he sees her or hears her voice which is sweet.   I love that little guy more than I could ever imagine that I could love someone.  I am so in love with my husband but I can't even explain how different this love is…totally unconditional.  Everything he does is amazing and I think he is the smartest 3 month old on earth of course! I could kiss his little cheeks a million times a day! I usually like to dress him like a baby not with grown-up clothes but when I was cleaning out his drawer of the newborn sizes and putting in the new stuff I found this onesie I had forgotten about.  I love that it is a tuxedo tshirt and his tiny pajama jeans are a hoot! anyway he is growing so big.

Work has been good for me.  A great distraction, it allows me to talk to adults and use my critical thinking skills.  I get a great sense of accomplishment from my work and it doesn't hurt that I get paid. That doesn't mean that if I had the option to stay home, I wouldn't…every moment that I am away from him I miss him! Of course I talk about him all day long to all of my patients who ask about him!

He is changing daily now.  This week he started grabbing onto things when they dangle above him or gripping tightly and shaking a rattle if it is put up close to his hand.  He smiles constantly.  When I kiss his cheeks or tickle his chin he opens his mouth really wide and will "kiss" my cheek.   He is holding his head up and turns and looks around him when he hears something going on. He is very curious and I have started to have to rock him in a room with quiet or he will be distracted.  He likes to look at lights or fans or television.  He loves to listen to music and will sit and watch me get ready for work and laugh at music I play from the phone or Pandora.  He definitely knows what he likes and doesn't like. When he doesn't want to listen to a song, he fusses..and when he hears one he likes he laughs.  When he smiles his whole face lights up and his eyes wrinkle up.  He is trying to roll over but hasn't yet.  During tummy time he scoots on his belly by pulling his legs up and inching forward.  If on his tummy during a nap he scoots until he hits the side of the crib. He is sleeping very well at night. Right now his bedtime is 9:30ish and he sleeps until about 4, then he eats and goes back down until about 8.  Once he eats at 8 he is ready to be changed and dressed and then he will got back to sleep until about 11. I am able to get a lot done during the mornings if I am able to get up on my days off.  He is very happy and content when he naps and eats well. He is a great nurser except lately he wants to wave his arms over his head and push off with his legs while he is eating.

We are approaching the day he was conceived and the days of me taking Clomid and I can't help but think about how different my life was a year ago.  How desperate I felt and how I was crying out to God daily for a child to add to our family. Now our lives have so much hope and we are so blessed with this little guy.  What a difference 1 year can make.  These have been the most blessed 14 weeks of my life.

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