After a pretty long weekend, I think I was on some type of emotional Clomid binge, I have decided that I will not take a pregnancy test again until I am actually late for a period. For one thing, who can afford two years worth of pregnancy tests, and for another the anxiety was driving me nuts! I just couldn't get my mind off of it all week! So my husband and mother held separate interventions and let me know that we could not continue down this road…and they were right. I knew it but I couldn't stop myself. Although I am still feeling a little down, I feel more positive and less tensed up about what some test might or might not say.
On a more positive note, I decided to participate in a women's event at my church called Women's Mentoring: Heart to Heart. I am so excited about it! Yesterday we got our matches-I was matched with a mentor and a prayer partner. At this point in my life I figured you can't have too many people praying for you! I am really excited about what God can do in my life through these ladies. I told them yesterday that I understand that God is molding me and making me his, but I really am uncomfortable and I wish He would start teaching me a different lesson soon! Evidently I am being too stubborn and haven't gotten it yet! I can't wait to share with you all He does.
Last, I have been loving a song that I downloaded a while ago by John Waller called, "While I'm Waiting." I boo-hoo every time I listen to it but I like to sing it to God. It's more of a determination and resolve before God that the singer will continue to praise and have faith in God while they wait for their prayers to be answered. Although it seems like it was made for me…I think it applies to any situation where you are asking for something and not getting an immediate answer. Enjoy!
Our daughter, Lily, was stillborn in August 2008 and I remember watching Fireproof and John Waller's "While I'm Waiting" just really resounded in my heart. It's so hard at times to wait for God's plan to unfold! We see in tunnel vision while God sees the whole picture. God blessed us with our son, Cooper, in 11/2009 after a very high-risk pregnancy. He's just wonderful and is truly a miracle. I know that God has a beautiful plan for you and your hubby, too.
ReplyDeleteBlessings and Huge ((hugs))
I am so sorry to hear of your loss but so glad to know that He has blessed you with a son. He is so good--all the time--just as you said, He sees and knows it all. What a blessing to have a God who loves us in spite of our tunnel vision and short-sightedness!
ReplyDelete